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by Willa Shakespeare (AnonEhouse)



Series: Mathomathon 2008 [7]
Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Crack, F/M, Humor, M/M, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-08
Updated: 2012-10-08
Packaged: 2017-11-15 22:04:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/Willa%20Shakespeare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Servalan's feeling a bit moody when she discovers she's pregnant. This is not good for everyone around her. Especially the father of her child.</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

> Hobbits give gifts to others on their birthday. A Mathom is a useless, but too good to throw away, Hobbit gift. Like a knick knack.
> 
> Back in 2008 I held a Mathomathon on my LJ for my birthday, asking my friends to request me to write fic. I wound up starting the day before my birthday, so none of them are long, but everyone got a fic. :^)  
> k_haldane's prompt: __  
> After 'Sand', Servalan realises she's pregnant. She tracks down Tarrant to demand child support, and finds him - in bed with Avon. The words 'bitch' and 'bastard' should appear without gender discrimination as to their application.

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

The rabbit died. 

After killing the doctor, the nurse, and the other two women she'd seen in the waiting room, Servalan got out her rolodex. Tracking down Carnell had been easy- there were only a few outlets that stocked his particular shade of hair color. 

After she had him dragged into her presence and then flogged because he laughed at her predicament, he very quickly located Tarrant for her. She didn't even mind when she heard Carnell had seduced his jailers and escaped. She was going to kill them in any event; it was convenient to have an excuse.

Her flotilla surrounded Xenon and she watched from orbit while the entire scruffy little planet was gas-bombed into submission. She took the antidote, her cadre of mutoids, and her vitamin pills (in case this took a while), and took a shuttle down to the planet. Her pilot couldn't land in the silo because Scorpio was already occupying the pad, so she was forced to climb down endless flights of stone stairs. She totally ruined a set of heels and was very irritable as a result when she finally arrived at the living quarters.

The scene that met her eyes made her scream like a banshee. "WAKE THEM UP! NOW!"

"Yes, commissioner," the nearest mutoid said, injecting both Avon and Tarrant with the antidote. There was no need to search them for weapons. Or even do a body cavity search on Avon. And she really didn't think it likely Tarrant could fit anything else in himself along with the strand of black pearls dangling on the black satin sheets.

"Servalan." Avon gazed at her around Tarrant's shoulder. "I wish I could say it was a pleasure."

"You little BITCH!" Servalan marched up to Avon and slapped him across the face.

Avon didn't react, but Tarrant winced. "Look," Tarrant said, "this doesn't mean I'm gay, you know."

Servalan gave him an annoyed look. "And you can shut up too, you bastard." Servalan sat down on the bed and pulled off a shoe, throwing it at him. "The whole lot of you fucking bitch bastards can fucking well shut up and DIE!" She broke down sobbing.

Avon looked up at Tarrant who looked down at Avon in total bewilderment and shrugged before pulling himself out and going over to Servalan to put his arms around her. Avon's eyebrows climbed into his hairline.

"Look, really, Avon and I, we don't mean anything, not like you and I did on Virrn." Tarrant smiled at her. "We really touched each other, then."

"TOUCHED?" Servalan pushed Tarrant away. He landed on Avon who wheezed when a pointy elbow drove into his gut. "TOUCHED! You FUCKING PUT ME IN THE CLUB!"

"Club?" Tarrant looked at her, bewildered. "What club?"

Avon rolled his eyes, but hadn't breath to talk.

"I'm PREGGERS, you GREAT GAWKING IDIOT!"

"Oh." Tarrant's smile faded. "Erm. Yes. Sorry about that."

"I must remember to have the child checked for intelligence," Servalan muttered as she abruptly pulled herself together and smiled. Tarrant winced at the smile. 

"Ah, yes," he said, weakly. "So you've come to kill me?"

Servalan rolled her eyes.

"You want to bond with me?"

Both Servalan and Avon made gagging noises. "No, of course not! Wouldn't that look lovely on the Federation vis-casts! No, I've come to give you THIS." Servalan handed Tarrant a sheet of paper.

He blinked and read it, then blinked and read it again. "Where am I supposed to come up with this kind of money?"

"I don't give a flying fuck. Rob a gold depository for all I care, but I expect it by next month!" Servalan swallowed a vitamin pill, took off her other shoe and threw it at Avon, and then got up.

After she left, Tarrant turned to Avon. "Well, now that unpleasantness is over, just where were we?" He smiled at Avon.

Avon smiled back. Tarrant winced. Avon pulled the pearls and Tarrant screeched. "Go be not gay elsewhere." Avon rolled over.

Tarrant got up gingerly. "If we ever do find that bitch Blake, I'll fix you both!"

Avon picked up one of Servalan's shoes, but his aim was as bad as ever and he only hit the closed door after Tarrant left.


End file.
